Forbidden To Remember, Terrified To Forget
by beedivine
Summary: A series of Lily/Sirius drabbles for the 30 Drabbles in 30 Days Challenge.
1. Why In The World Would You Do That!

**A/N:** This is for Mystii's 30 Drabbles in 30 Days challenge. All of these are going to be Lily/Sirius, but they probably won't be connected in anyway, so don't be expecting a coherent story line. I'm not sure as of right now, but the rating might change later on.

**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognize belongs to JKR. The title is a quote from Stephenie Meyer's book _New Moon,_ so title credit goes to her.

**Prompt:** "Why in the _world_ would you do _that?_"

He was waiting in the shadows – waiting for the precise moment that Lily Evans would stroll by on her prefect duties. She walked by every night and never once had she noticed his presence. He never did anything but watch; his feelings were kept as tightly locked away in the shadows as he kept himself in this very moment.

Her footsteps sounding nearby alerted him that she was about to walk by – exactly on time. Her pace was steady, even, and her pale face glowed elegantly in the soft light; her bronze hair swung lightly around her shoulders.

She was the epitome of beauty – and she didn't even know it.

Unconsciously, he let out a sigh as she passed him. Lily froze in her tracks. Sirius instantly held his breath, realizing what he has just done. Slowly, she turns around and starts to look around her. She sees nothing, and Sirius thinks she is about to stop looking when, all of a sudden, her eyes narrow and she heads straight into the shadowed part of the corridor – straight toward where Sirius is hiding.

He tries to shrink further back into the shadows, but the wall is behind him and there is nowhere else to go. She has almost reached him now; he knows he has finally been caught.

"Sirius Black," Lily says as soon as she sees him, her green eyes narrowing.

"Lily Evans," he says in the same disapproving tone, narrowing his eyes at her in return.

"What are you doing up after curfew?" she asks.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he says with a smirk. He takes a step toward her, his eyes smiling.

She crosses her arms across her chest and looks up at him, waiting. But he doesn't answer; he continues to close the distance between them until they are only inches apart. Lily finally tries to take a step backwards, but Sirius catches her arms, holding her firmly in place.

"You want to know what I'm doing up?" His face leans ever so slightly toward hers. She nods weakly, too stunned to speak. "I was watching you," he admits, eyes smoldering. Their faces are only an inch apart now, and Lily closes her eyes, knowing he is about to kiss her.

But instead of his lips on hers, she feels him releasing her arms, and his footsteps echoing around her. She opens her eyes and stumbles after him.

"Why in the _world_ would you do _that?_" she calls to his retreating back.

He looks over his shoulder at her and grins. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

**A/N:** For some reason I was having _a lot_ of trouble with the tense in this, so let me know if you noticed any mistakes. Whether you loved it or hated it, I'd love a review. =]


	2. Sapphires

**A/N:** Sorry guys. I meant to have this up yesterday, but my dog decided he wanted to go on a little adventure and runaway from home. So I was just a little distracted. ;)

**Prompt:** Sapphires

There was something about sapphires – the way they glittered, the way they shined; their rich, endless blue. Sirius Black had always loved sapphires.

Until the day he met Lily Evans.

Her pale skin had a certain glow to it. She was like his own personal sunshine, though she never knew it. And her hair, the richest of crimsons, was extraordinary. He had never before seen someone with hair so vibrant, so alive. But none of that was what caught and held Sirius Black's attention.

Her precious eyes were the truest of greens, pure and soulful. Their color was as bright and sparkling as any emerald that he had ever laid eyes on. Her eyes were a mirror to everything that was Lily Evans. When she smiled, her eyes would light up with the joy that was resounding through her. When she was angry, her eyes were always startling with the intensity of her fury. Her eyes were a reflection of everything that she ever was.

Yes, Sirius Black quite preferred emeralds to sapphires.

**A/N: **I'm still not quite sure if I like this one or not. So I'd love a review to know what you think. =]


	3. Maniac

**Prompt:** Maniac

Lily Evans was a maniac. Sirius Black had thought long and hard to sum up Lily in one word, and still, he kept coming back to that same word. _Maniac._

"A maniac?" Lily said incredulously. "You think I'm a _maniac_?" Unconsciously she placed her hands on her hips.

Sirius was silent for a moment, his dark hair falling across his forehead, as he watched her calmly. "Yes."

"A maniac?" she repeated, the word still tasting bitter on her tongue. "How?"

"Well…" he said, smirking and taking a lazy step toward her. "Do you remember that time in sixth year…when you were supposed to be doing your prefect duties? But you were – ahh, how should I put this? – otherwise engaged."

Her cheeks flushed ever so slightly, and her eyes narrowed. "I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about." She meant for her voice to come out sounding stern, but it wavered slightly.

Sirius raised an eyebrow in response. "Really? Because if I remember correctly, rather than doing your _prefect duties_, you – we – were in an empty classroom, and like I said, you were otherwise engaged. And you know?" He looked thoughtful. "I don't think those were quite the duties Professor Dumbledore had in mind when he made you a prefect."

Lily's cheeks were more than a little red, which caused Sirius to grin. "Do you still not think you are even a little bit of a maniac?" Sirius asked, and Lily nodded stubbornly. Sirius's grin grew and he took another step toward her. "Well, then onto example number two." Lily let out an annoyed sigh, but Sirius pretended not to hear her. "Do you remember that time when you found James and I with that bottle of firewhiskey?"

"Sirius," Lily threatened.

"Are you ready to admit that you are a maniac, yet?" he asked her.

"I am not a maniac, so there is no reason for me to be admitting it," she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest defiantly.

"Well, in that case, on with the story! I thought for sure we were dead when you found us. But then, if I do recall correctly, I encouraged you to have a drink with us – on school grounds – and you did so." Sirius let out a laugh. "And then I think you had a few drinks too many, because do you remember what you did next? You went straight to McGonagall's office and told her—"

"Okay, okay! Don't make me remember," Lily said, cutting him off. Sirius laughed again, and suddenly Lily noticed that he was standing right in front of her.

"I told you, you were a maniac," he said smugly.

Lily reached up and brushed the hair away from his eyes. "I still think you could have come up with a better word."

Sirius wrapped his arms around her waist. "Face it darling," he said, "you are a maniac." And then he kissed her.

**A/N:** So I actually really like this one, although, I'm a little afraid that Lily is sort of OOC. Leave a review and let me know what you think. =]


	4. Dancing

**A/N:** So I know I am getting way behind on this, but my plan is to try and get caught up this weekend.

**Prompt:** Dancing

"May I cut in?" Sirius asked, coming up to stand behind whatever relative that Lily was now dancing with. They were all essentially faceless to him; he saw no one but Lily.

The man stepped back and allowed Sirius to take his place. He put one hand on her silk covered waist, and with his other hand, he took her hand in his. "You look beautiful," he said – and she did. Her scarlet hair was pinned up in an elegant twist, her eyes were bright and her cheeks were flushed with excitement. Her lips pulled into a grin as he said the words.

"You look rather dashing yourself," she said. His heart thumped unevenly, and a wave of longing coursed through him. He smiled at her in return, because he was afraid to say anything. There was something that he needed to remember, something important – something that was getting pushed from his mind, and replaced with _Lily_. Lily's hair…Lily's smile…Lily's laugh…Lily, Lily, Lily.

He couldn't think, he could barely breathe. He wanted her – no, he _needed_ her. And as they moved in circles, flowing across the dance floor, he could think of nothing else.

And it was at the precise moment that Lily lifted her left hand from his shoulder, to put a stray piece of hair back behind her ear, that everything shattered. That everything came rushing back, that everything clicked precisely into place.

Resting delicately on her left hand was a ring, and it was then that he finally took in the rest of her appearance and the white dress that she was wearing.

As soon as he remembered, he wished he could forget. Because Lily belonged to James now – to his best friend, his brother – and she always would. Nothing could ever change that fact.

He could never have her. All he could have was this moment – and a dance.

**A/N:** Love it? Hate it? Review and let me know. =D


	5. Marked

**Prompt:** Marked

He was marked from the moment he first laid eyes on her. It was like an electric current ran from his head to the tips of his toes. At only eleven years of age, Sirius Black was too young to have ever before considered the possibility of love at first sight. But from that moment on, he believed.

From that exact moment he was marked to love Lily Evans incessantly. To love her beauty and her tinkling laughter; to love her stubbornness and her unending determination; to love all her quirks and all her flaws.

From that exact moment Sirius Black was ruined. Ruined by his loyalty and ruined by his love. Because at the exact moment that Sirius Black realized that he _needed_ Lily, James Potter realized that he _wanted_ her. And even ten minutes into their friendship, Sirius knew that he would never, could never, betray James Potter.

Sirius Black was born to love Lily Evans, just as he was born to be on the side lines, watching and wanting, but never having.

**A/N:** As always, I'd love to know what you think. =]


	6. Lies

**Prompt:** Lies

"Sirius, there has to be someone that you're interested in," James says.

Sirius just shrugs in response, but doesn't answer. So maybe there was, but he couldn't admit that to James.

"Come on Sirius. You can trust me; you do know that, right?" James insists.

"Yeah, of course I know that," Sirius says without missing a beat. He's a good liar, but he has to be – or else James would have figured out his secret long ago. "But really, there isn't anyone I feel that way about. Just because you're so in love with…Lily, doesn't mean that everyone else has to feel that way about someone." He grins as he says this, and it's enough to keep James from noticing how he stumbles over Lily's name.

James looks pensive for a moment before he blurts out, "You know, there's this pretty Ravenclaw that Lily is friends with. And there is a Hogsmeade weekend coming up…"

James trails off, and Sirius raises his eyebrow. "What exactly are you trying to say?" he asks.

"We should double date. Me and Lily, you and the Ravenclaw." James grins and Sirius rolls his eyes. He tries to keep his expression light, but the thought of going on a date with _James and Lily_ is more painful than he'll even admit to himself.

"I think I'm just going to stay here this weekend," Sirius says, causing James to laugh.

"Okay, there is someone that you like isn't there? You would never turn down a date otherwise…" His eyes are narrowed slightly in suspicion.

"I promise you that if there were someone, I would tell you," he says so sincerely that all of James' suspicions dissolve in an instant. And he hates that he has to lie to his best friend, but what else can he do?

**A/N:** I'm not sure if I like this one or not, so I'd love to know what you think. =]


	7. Truthfully

**Prompt:** Truthfully

There is nothing more frightening than the truth.

It will consume you, swallow you whole. Sirius Black knows this better than anyone. Because the truth is, he's in love with Lily Evans – and he can _never_ be with her.

He watches as James chases Lily, and as guilty as it makes him feel, he can't help the relief that shoots through him every time she turns him down. And he often wonders that if it were him, Sirius, asking her out, would she still say no? But it's pointless for him to wonder, because he will never be able to ask her – but he tries not to think about that, because the truth is excruciating.

Lily is all James ever wants to talk about. How _beautiful_ she is. How _smart_ she is. How _perfect_ she is. And it all just makes Sirius want to scream because he knows – maybe better than even James does. But he just nods and smiles, because pretending everything is_ fine_ is better than accepting the truth.

And when Lily finally agrees to go out with James, Sirius acts like he is happy for him, and like it's not _killing_ him. Because the truth is painful, and it's terrifying. So he pushes the thoughts from his mind, he ignores that they even exist. Sure, he may be brave – he is a Gryffindor after all – but he's not brave enough to deal with this, to handle it. So he doesn't even try.

**A/N:** I'd love a review to know what you thought. =]


	8. Gone

**A/N:** If I remember correctly, all of these so far have been from Sirius' point of view. But this one is from Lily's.

**Prompt:** Gone

She was going to die. There was nothing she could do, nothing she could say that would stand any hope of changing that outcome. James was already dead, of that she was sure – the monster would not be in front of her now if that were not the case. No help would be coming, not until it was already over. Until it was too late.

The monster stood in front of her, just feet away, wand pointed at her heart. She saw his mouth move, forming the fatal words, but she heard not a sound. And then there was light – light as green as her eyes – engulfing everything and anything.

Her thoughts raced, cascading through her mind. She thought of Harry who lay, now unprotected, in the crib behind her. She thought of James, her husband, who had died to protect her. But most of all, she thought of _him_. Of Sirius.

She thought of his smile, of his laughing gray eyes. She thought of that moment, back in fifth year, when the realization first hit, when she was dead certain that she would love Sirius Black until the day she died. She had been wrong about many things throughout her lifetime, but that was not one of them.

She wished now that she had been braver. That she could have told him the truth, even if it wouldn't have changed anything – and she was certain that it would not have. But the hope was enough to bring the semblance of a smile to her lips.

As the light reached her, the life was drained from her body – her soul freed from its temporary shell. Gone from this life and onto the next, waiting for the day that she would see him again. And thus Lily Evans died, with a smile on her face and Sirius Black on her mind.

**A/N:** I think I actually really like this one, though I am afraid that it might be a little choppy. What do you think? Leave a review and let me know. =]


	9. Sunshine

**A/N:** This one was inspired by the song Sunshine by Steve Azar - which you should go listen to because it really is quite amazing. =] And the storyline of this drabble is really pretty similar to that of the lyrics. Anyways, I've been toying with this idea for a while and finally decided to write it.

**Prompt:** Sunshine

_Baby, you're my sunshine, first light  
Find your way to places that only know lies  
Failed tries and bruised skies  
With hardly time to hold on or be strong, now I'm strong  
'Cos like the dawn you push it all away_

_Steve Azar :: Sunshine_

He can feel the heat of her body lying beside him, and from the slow, steady rhythm of her breathing, knows that she is still asleep. It's dark still, the sun having not yet risen, and the pale moonlight streams in through Sirius Black's open window, lighting her face in a pale glow. Her hair is dark in the night, almost black compared to its usual deep crimson, and her thick eyelashes flutter gently with each and every breath that she takes. She is perfect – oh-so perfect.

And she is much too good to be true. _This_ is much too good to be true.

Because she didn't belong to him, nor did she, or would she ever, belong _with_ him. This was wrong on so many levels – the least of which being that his best friend – no, his brother – had been in love with her for so many years that he had finally lost count.

His eyes clench shut, and his face scrunches up in obvious pain. _James._ How could he have betrayed James? He lifts his arm from her waist and runs his fingers roughly through his hair. He'd never meant for this to happen – he had told himself time and time again that it _wouldn't_ happen. But when she looked at him like that, with that pleading look of longing, whispering "please, Sirius" any restraint that he had been so desperately clinging to had dissolved.

He slides his hand down from his hair to rest over his eyes, and lets out a loud sigh. Sure, she had shattered his resolve, but that was no reason to let it go more than just a few kisses, no reason to have let things go _nearly_ so far. Because as much as he _hates_ it, and as desperately as she tries to ignore it, she belongs with James. He knows it, and she knows it.

But it wasn't enough to stop them.

He lets out another loud sigh. The guilt is almost unbearable – no, it _is_ unbearable. If only he had stopped things from getting so far, if only he had stopped anything from happening at all; if only, if only, if _only_.

He startles slightly when he feels a warm, smooth hand on top of his, and then realizes that Lily must be awake. But it is only another reminder of how very _wrong_ this all is.

"Sirius," she says, and he can feel her breath tickle his neck. He doesn't answer, he doesn't move. She moves to lift his hand from his face and he lets her, but keeps his eyes closed; she entwines her fingers with his own. "Look at me."

Her voice is that same mixture of pleading and longing that he is helpless to ignore. He keeps his eyes shut for a moment more and then opens them. It's not just in her voice – the pleading and the longing. It's on every inch of her: her wide eyes, the trembling of her lips, her hand tightening around his. He's as hopeless as the first time.

It is still dark – it has only been minutes since he woke and saw her lying there – but somehow it's as if everything has changed. Because she is not just glowing in the moonlight, it's as if she is shining in the light of the sun, like it is emanating from within her.

She reaches the hand that is not already holding his, up to caress his face, trailing her fingers along his jaw. "I know that look, Sirius. Just don't, not tonight. Think about anything and everything, but not _that_."

"But—" he starts, but she pinches his lips together between her fingers, effectively cutting him off.

"Shh." After a minute she releases his lips, and starts trailing her fingers across his face again. Her touch feels like fire, it burns and throbs – but there is no pain. None at all. None on his face and none in the deep recesses of his heart.

She gives him a shy, hesitant smile, and again he notices how she seems to shine, just like the sun. Like sunshine.

And really, he thinks, that is what she has been all along.

**A/N:** What'd ya think? Leave a review and let me know. =]


	10. Hundred

**Prompt:** Hundred

_So, this is where you are  
__And this is where I am  
__Somewhere between unsure  
__And a hundred_

_Hundred : The Fray_

"I love you."

He looked away and was silent. He'd figured as much already, but it wasn't until this very moment, when she finally spoke the words aloud, that he _knew_. He wished she wouldn't have said it. Ever. Because for three short little words they sure had a hell of an impact: changing things, destroying things.

Before she had spoke 'the words' he could convince himself that_ this_ meant nothing to her, that every kiss and every touch meant absolutely _nothing_. That afterwards she would go right back to James like nothing had happened, like she wasn't forever changed by it. As if that made it better, as if that make it okay.

And in a way it did – because it was better for James. Maybe she was cheating on him, maybe they both were, but as long as it meant nothing – at least, as long as it meant nothing to her – that would be better for James than if she actually did care about Sirius.

But now she'd gone and changed everything. With only three words, she had somehow managed to make everything that they had done seem so very_ wrong_.

He finally turned back to look at her. With a pang to his chest, he saw tears streaking down her face. "So where—" His voice sounded rough, so he stopped to clear his throat before starting again. "So where does this leave us?"

"I… I don't know…" she said, and crossed the distance between them. She looked up and met his eyes. "You know how I feel now. I want you; I want to be with _you_. So now it's up to you. There are a hundred different ways we can go from here, but whatever it is, it's up to you." Her voice was steady and calm, but a hundred different emotions were flashing behind her emerald eyes.

"A hundred different ways? I don't know how you're seeing a hundred different ways…because all I can see is one." Anger was good. It was better not to let her see how much this was hurting, how much he cared, and how desperately he _wanted_ to see those ninety-nine other ways that this could possibly work out.

"We could tell James the truth. We could runaway together. We could keep things exactly as they are, and James would never have to know. We could—"

"Breakup," he finished for her. "We could stop seeing each other, and pretend this never happened. You could marry James, and live happily-ever-after with _him_."

They were both silent for a minute, watching each other, before Lily finally broke the silence. "I can think of ninety-nine better options than that," she whispered.

"I know, but it doesn't matter, Lily. Think of James – I couldn't do that to him. _We_ couldn't do that to him," he said.

She had remained so calm, so contained, but at his words she snaped. "What if I don't want to think of James? What if I don't want to be with James and live happily-ever-after with him? Because, truthfully, I can't! I love _you_! So I can't possibly think of a happily-ever-freaking-after if you're not involved in it!"

Sirius was already shaking his head before she'd finished. "You said it was my choice right? You said it was up to me what we do from here. So this is my choice: We won't see each other like this ever again – no more kissing, no more anything. You don't have to be with James, – I have no right to force you to be with him – but you can't be with me. James will never know about anything that happened between us."

"Sirius…"

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said, before turning around and walking out of her life.

**A/N:** These are starting to be very long drabbles haha. Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	11. Soldier

**A/N:** I was watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy last night (season 2, episode 17), and there was a scene at the very end between two of the characters that inspired this.

**Prompt:** Soldier

He's bloodied and battered as he stands before her. There is a gash over his right eye, and another on his cheek; it doesn't escape her notice, either, that he is leaning back against the wall of his flat more than he is actually standing.

"I'm fine, Lily," he says. His voice is strained, but she can tell that he's trying to make it sound as normal as possible.

"You are not fine, Sirius. Look at you." Her voice is annoyed – as well it should be; if it wasn't for that ridiculous mission Dumbledore asked him to go on. It was practically a suicide mission for goodness sake!

"I am perfectly fine," he says, but instantly backtracks at the glare that she gives him. "Alright, I'm not _perfectly fine_ – but I really am okay. This will heal in a week or two." He gestures to the wounds on his face and a few others that she can see peeking out from the tears in his cloak.

"You really are a right arse Sirius Black. I told you to take care of yourself. I told you not to let anything like this happen." Her green eyes are slightly wild, and her ruby hair whips around her shoulders as she throws her arms up into the air in frustration.

He watches her quietly, waiting for her to calm down. "I don't see you throwing a fit at your _husband_ – and he doesn't look much better than I do," he says very quietly, no longer trying to hide the pain in his voice.

Some strong emotion that Sirius can't quite make out flashes behind her eyes the instant he speaks the words. She opens her mouth to say something, and then closes it again. She turns around, and marches straight toward the door. When her hand is on the door handle, she pauses. "Thank you for not dying Sirius," she says. Then she takes a deep breath, opens the door and leaves, slamming the door behind her.

**A/N:** The prompt wasn't as obviously stated in this drabble as it has been in some of the others, but could you still see how it was tied in or should that be made clearer? (I originally planned for it to be tied in more, but it just didn't end up that way and I liked it too much to change it.) Review and let me know what you think. =]


	12. Fire

**Prompt:** Fire

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore  
__I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore :: REO Speedwagon_

As she reaches her hand up and lays it against his cheek, he can feel the warmth spreading from her fingertips like wildfire. He should be pulling away right now, turning away – _running away_ if that's what it takes. Because he knows exactly what will come next if he doesn't, he can see it in her eyes.

The guilt is like a chokehold on his heart. He has to turn _away_, he has to _runrunrun_. But she's leaning toward him, closer and closer. He can feel the heat of her breath tickle his face, and the heat of her body as she leans against him is like touching an open flame. He feels like he's being burnt alive, – which should only add to the list of reasons why he should be running – but there is no pain. None at all.

And when she finally presses her lips to his, he can no longer remember all of the reason that he should be running; they've been burnt from his mind. All he can feel is the fire that is running from his head down to his toes and her lips on his, and for the moment everything is as it should be.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	13. Flower Garden

**A/N: **This takes place right after Sirius escapes from Azkaban.

**Prompt:** Flower Garden

It's raining and it's windy. And, oh, how he hates the rain _and_ the wind – but really, there's not much that he doesn't hate right now. It's dark and it's late and he knows he shouldn't be here. After all, he's only just gotten free. But he has been waiting for this moment for the last twelve years. And he's not going to wait a _minute_ longer if he has any say in it.

He pushes aside the old gate, wincing when it creaks, breaking the silence, and slips into Godric's Hollow's small cemetery. It's rundown and looks as if no one has been buried here since Lily and James themselves.

He searches through the gravestones, one moss covered stone after another, pushing away overgrown plants and flowers all the while.

When he finally finds their gravestones, it's to see wilted, dried up flowers lying in front of it, and a blood-red rosebush growing next to it. It thorns glisten slightly in the rain; they are beautiful in a haunting way.

He kneels down in front of the headstone, and places his hand over James' engraved name. A tear runs down his cheek, mixing with the rain that is soaking him through. "Goodbye, old friend," he says, his voice rough.

He lifts his hand and traces his fingers delicately over Lily's name. He doesn't say a word, but the tears start coming faster and faster. He looks up to the rose bush and plucks the biggest, deepest red rose from the bush. He lays it gently beside her name, before standing and making his way through the overgrown mass of flowers, and out into the shadows of the night.

And Lily is finally among a garden of flowers, exactly where she's always belonged.

**A/N:** This ended up turning out a lot like one of my other fics - just Sirius instead of Severus haha. I feel like this one might be lacking some of the emotion that the other one has though... Anyway, review and let me know what you thought. =]


	14. Stormier

**Prompt:** Stormier

_Give me skies of black and blue, the way you make me feel  
__Give me skies of green and red, cold winds that makes it real._

_When It Rains :: Eli Young Band_

There was a storm raging outside. Rain pounded against the window of Sirius Black's flat, and the lighting flashed so brightly as to light the darkened room. It was a storm for the ages, one that would go down in history.

But when it came right down to it, the storm was meager in comparison. Because at that exact moment there was a storm raging inside Sirius Black; a violent and deadly and completely terrifying storm. Or a war might be a better term for it. A war between good and evil, right and wrong, loyalty and betrayal, guilt and pain – it was a war between a lot of things. But what it really came down to was one thing, or rather, one girl. The one girl he could never have, but would always want. The one girl who would never see him as anything more than her fiancés best friend, even when she had always been the very center of his everything.

There was nothing to be done, nothing to change it. The only thing he could do was to wait for the storms to die down.

**A/N:** I'm not sure how I feel about this one... So review and let me know what ya thought. =]


	15. Empty

**Prompt:** Empty

His life was empty without her. Though, in reality, she was never his in the first place. She was the hole in his chest that would never be filled, the other half of him that would always be missing.

Though he would never admit it to anyone who asked, Sirius Black always wanted to be _that_ guy. The Prince Charming who sweeps the unexpected girl off of her feet. The guy who sits side-by-side with his wife on the porch swing after fifty years of marriage. The guy who has a family all of his own, that he loves more than his own life.

He wanted it all, but as long as James was in love with Lily Evans, he had no shot at ever getting any of it.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	16. Fiery Orange Hair

**Prompt:** Fiery Orange Hair

Her hair was like a mass of silken fire. It had a life all of its own.

In a breeze, it would blow wildly around her head, snapping and flying – which always reminded him of Medusa. Once he mentioned this to her, and noticed that her personality, too, was rather similar to Medusa's when she was angry.

In the sunlight, her fiery orange hair glowed and shimmered in such a way that it actually did appear to be on fire. Which he always thought was a rather perfect match to her fiery personality.

When she would walk, her hair was always splayed out behind her – almost as if there were an invisible fan placed above her everywhere she went; it was constantly in motion.

Her hair was always one of the most alive things about Lily Evans, and Sirius Black would remember it long after her death.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	17. Closed

**Prompt:** Closed

He closes his eyes, and that's all it takes to bring the past back, to bring everything crashing forward.

Closing his eyes is all that it takes to save him. With his eyes closed he can remember everything of any importance – and best of all, when he closes his eyes, he can see her again.

He can see her smile, her perfect lips, her shimmering ruby hair, the creamy moonlight glow of her skin, and her slim, delicate body. When he closes his eyes he can remember, with perfect clarity, the feel of her soft lips on his, and her warm arms wound tightly around his neck.

With his eyes closed he cannot remember all the pain and guilt that was the cost of loving her.

With his eyes closed he can forget that she is dead, and that he is in prison. With his eyes closed he is alive again.

**A/N:** I am actually really happy with how this one turned out. But whether you liked it or not, leave a review and let me know. =]


	18. Groan

**A/N:** So I had intended for all of these to be in third person, but this one just naturally wanted to be in second.

I just found out a few hours ago that I'm going to be going to the coast for the weekend (my favorite place on the planet!). So after tonight there probably won't be another update until later on Sunday at the earliest, but I'm going to try and get at least one or two more drabbles up tonight to make up for that.

**Prompt:** Groan

And everything is as it should be. Everything is right in the world – for everyone but you. Because you took a chance, you jumped in head first, without taking even a second to look around and see that your landing might not be upon the softest of grounds.

Because you knew it was wrong to love her, her with her ruby hair and bright eyes. You knew it was wrong to ever have thought of her as more than just your best friend's girl – but you did, and you do. And you knew it was more than wrong when you decided to act on those emotions, to tell her how you feel, to kiss her even – but you did.

And for a moment it was everything that you had ever dreamed it would be: her lips so soft against yours, her body so warm wrapped tightly in your arms. Until she pulls away and says the words that are painful with how perfectly_ right_ they are: "Sirius, I love _James_."

And if it was anyone else, if she belonged to anyone else, you wouldn't have given up without a fight. But it isn't just anyone, and they aren't just any couple. He is James and she is Lily, and together they are _JamesandLily._ The world's most perfect couple, destined to be together since the beginning of time. And so you do nothing to fight it – you turn away and give in, because what else can you do?

And even though you want to groan aloud with the weight of the pain, you hold it in. Because they are _JamesandLily _and they are_ right_ together.

**A/N:** What did you think of the second person? Did it work out alright, or not so much? Leave a review and let me know. =]


	19. Continually

**A/N:** Apparently I'm in a second person kind of mood.

Oh, and Princess Ducky, this one isn't quite as depressing as the others - it's probably about as happy of a Sirius/Lily fic as you're going to get out of me. ;)

**Prompt:** Continually

The first time you kiss her, it means absolutely nothing to either of you – at least that's what you tell yourself. It's just a quick kiss to her cheek, nothing out of the ordinary between friends. _Friends_. You repeat the word over and over to yourself, hoping to find some meaning in the word, some rightness. But there is none.

The second time you kiss her, it's a little less friendly and a little less chaste. You press your lips softly against hers, for a few seconds longer than is really appropriate between _friends_. When you finally do pull away, her cheeks are flushed and your heart is racing.

The third time you kiss her, it's as if the word _friend has_ been completely erased from your vocabulary. Because friends most definitely do not kiss like this: with your hands tangled in each other's hair, your bodies pressed dangerously close together, your breathing quick and hot against one another's necks. And maybe it's wrong, but at the moment you can't find any flaws in what is happening.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	20. Dreamily

**A/N:** You can think of this one as being a sequel to Gone, if you'd like.

**Prompt:** Dreamily

He barely has time to realize what is happening, when the emerald light engulfs him. It is everywhere, taking over everything and anything that surrounds him. He would swear that it is even floating through him, and somewhere along the line, everything seems to take on a dreamlike quality.

After what might have been only seconds, or possibly even days, the green light seems to fade until it is concentrated into two small circles. Emerald eyes.

Eyes that he would recognize anywhere.

She moves toward him slowly, dreamily – and again he gets the feeling that there has been some shift in the world, almost as if he is in another universe. And then it hits him that he must be, because Lily has been dead for the last fourteen years.

"I've been waiting for you for a long time," she says, her full lips curling into a smile.

"Where are we?" he asks trying to sound as brave as he possibly can under the circumstances.

She reaches out and takes his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "It has many names: the otherworld… the afterlife… Heaven." Her voice is soft and gentle, reassuring.

"Heaven," he repeats; so he is in another world after all. She nods and reaches up to push a strand of his shaggy hair out from his eyes. "Is James…" he trails of uncertainly.

"Yes, James is here, too." She says and gives him another reassuring smile.

"You said _you_ were waiting for me. Why?"

"Yes. Though I had hoped it would be longer before you got here…" she says sadly.

He doesn't miss the fact that she completely avoided his question, and he raises his eyebrow at her.

Her cheeks darken ever-so-slightly, and suddenly she looks young and vulnerable. "Sirius, I've been waiting for you for the last twenty-one years. I have always been waiting for _you_."

Suddenly he understands why it is her greeting him, welcoming him to this life, and not James. James. "What about James?"

She hesitates for a moment, seeming to choose her words carefully. "James was sweet and safe, and he loved me." She looks away suddenly, afraid to meet his eyes. "But he was never _the one_."

And suddenly his breath is stuck in his throat, because what she's saying can't be true. Because up until now she had never given him any reason to believe that it could be true. But the shy look on her face confirms it all, and as he leans forward and presses his lips to hers, he is absolutely positive that this is Heaven after all.

**A/N:** I've been playing around with this one for a while, and I still don't feel like I got it exactly right. It's almost like there is something missing... So leave a review and let me know what you think. =]


	21. Water

**Prompt:** Water

And she feels like she's drowning as she takes one heavy footstep and then another. Because this is not the wedding that she has dreamed about ever since she was a little girl, and the man waiting for her directly at the end of the aisle is not her prince charming.

(The man standing to his right, however, is a different story.)

And as she takes yet another step toward the end of the aisle, toward James, she takes another step toward insanity. Because she can't stand how _wrong_ it feels, and so she takes a deep breath to calm herself, but all she can feel is the water sliding down her throat, choking her, suffocating her.

But _he_ told her this was _right_. That this was what was supposed to happen, that it was fate – and who is she to argue with fate? But she wanted to argue, to yell and scream, and tell him that if this was fate, than she didn't want anything to do with it. But the look in his calm grey eyes stopped the words before they even had the chance to leave her mouth.

And so she takes one last step and closes the distance between her and James; he takes her hand and gives her a heartbreaking smile, and she knows she's going to drown here, she's going to die – because all she can feel is the water that is filling up her lungs. Her eyes search past James', looking for and finding a pair of grey eyes, her only life preserver in this sea of lies.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	22. Amethyst

**Prompt: **Amethyst

He is James Potter and he can give Lily a _ring_ – he can give her the world. And you are just Sirius Black, his brother and best friend, and you can't give her anything special, anything worthwhile because it would be _wrongwrongwrong_.

But when you see the necklace, with its small amethyst stone you can't help yourself – because it's beautiful and special just like her. So you buy it.

When you give it to her, you tell her that it doesn't mean anything. It's just something you saw; it's an engagement present. She doesn't even have to wear it if she doesn't want to.

But she always has been the smartest witch you've ever meant – and so she knows when you're lying. She knows how much it costs you just to be around her. And so she lifts her hair and turns around so you can fasten the small stone around her neck.

She smiles and thanks you, and says how beautiful the necklace is; you tell her that it's no big deal. Because that's all either of you can do, that's as close to the thin line of betrayal that either of you are willing to go.

**A/N:** I'm really not sure how I feel about this one, so I'd love to know whether you liked it or not. Leave a review and let me know. =]


	23. Opened

**Prompt:** Opened

It's still dark out when she wakes up; she can tell that much through her closed eyes. Everything comes back to her after a matter of seconds. Sirius. The unspoken _I love you_, the kissing, the touching… Utter perfection.

Everything so perfect that it could only have been a dream.

With that realization, fear seeps into the pit of her stomach. It all had seemed so real, and she swears that she can still feel the painless burn of his touch. And the fact that it all is just part of her imagination makes her want to scream and cry – and she knows it's irrational, but she doesn't care. Because for once everything was _right_, only to wake up and find out it was nothing more than a dream.

She feels the tears that she has no hope to fight against seep through her closed lids, and lifts her hand to wipe them away. She prays for sleep, if only for the slight chance that she could fall back into the same dream. It would only hurt worse in the morning if she did, but she doesn't care.

All she wants is Sirius, dream or no dream.

She has almost fallen asleep when she feels the bed shift slightly underneath her, and her eyes snap open without her permission. It's then, in that moment, as her eyes open, that everything snaps into place.

Because she is not alone, and dreams really do come true.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	24. Raving

**Prompt:** Raving

"Hey, Lily!" Sirius says as he runs across the Hogwarts grounds to catch up with her. He's twelve years old and as reckless as can be. His dark curls are swirled around his face, and his grey eyes are bright when he finally reaches her.

"What do you want, Sirius?" she says, staring out at the silver surface of the lake, not bothering to look at him. He doesn't answer at first, and she crosses her arms over her chest impatiently, a frown pulling at her lips.

"Will you go out with me?" he blurts. Now she does turn and look at him, incredulity clear on her face.

"W-what?" she stammers.

Sirius gives her a sloppy grin. "Will you go out with me?" he says again, more confidently this time.

"You are raving mad, Sirius Black," she says, but she's fighting against a grin now.

"Possibly," he agrees, "but that doesn't answer my question."

"Yes, you daft cow, I will go out with you," she says and takes a step forward, closing the distance between them, and kisses him lightly on the cheek. When she steps back, her cheeks are tinged pink, and he is grinning like a mad man.

"Raving," he says under her breath.

"Oh, I know," he agrees, and takes her hand.

**A/N:** I think I love this one, it was _so_ much fun to write. But whether you liked it or not, leave a review and let me know. =]


	25. Love? What Do I Know About Love?

**Prompt:** Love? What Do I Know About Love?

"I-I think I love you, Lily," Sirius says quietly, his dark curls falling into his eyes.

"What do you know about love?" she asks scornfully, rolling her eyes.

He grabs her by the arms and pushes her back against the wall. "Love? What do I know about love?" he says intensely. "I know that it's completely irrational and completely inexorable. Because if it wasn't, I would never love someone like _you_, someone I've never stood a chance of being with." He lets go of her arms and runs his hands roughly through his hair. "God, you don't know what it's like watching you with James, seeing you with him, and knowing it's _always_ going to be that way. Seeing how _perfect_ you two are together, and being so jealous of James for it." He's breathing hard, and his eyes are wild by the time he finishes. She can tell he's been keeping all of this in for far too long.

"I—" she starts, but she doesn't get to finish, because he's stepping forward, closing the distance between them, his lips crashing against hers.

It's nothing like the sweet, gentle kisses she's shared with James. It's rough and passionate, and a little frightening in its intensity. His body is melting against hers, his hands tangling in her hair. When he pulls away, she is completely breathless.

But it doesn't change anything, because she still loves James and she always will. All it takes is a half second look into her eyes, and Sirius knows this. So he pulls away from her, he walks way, because nothing has changed – except for the fact that now whenever she kisses James, she's going to be remembering that kiss, only Sirius will never know that.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	26. Bones

**A/N:** I've been thinking and thinking, trying to figure out how I was going to use this prompt. I wanted to make it cool and unique, and have it be tied in so much better. But nothing has yet to come to me, and I am running out of time to figure something out - so this is what you get. =[

**Prompt:** Bones

_So many people have come and gone  
Their faces fade as the years go by_

_More Than A Feeling :: Boston_

It has been thirteen years since Lily was murdered; thirteen years since he last saw her. Thirteen years ago Sirius Black never thought that one day he would forget the exact shade of Lily's hair, or the exact pattern of the freckles dusting her skin. He felt that with everything inside him, he felt it in his bones, that he could never, would never forget.

He had studied and studied her face until he felt he knew it better than his own, knew every line and every crease. Although, at the time he had never thought that he would one day only have faded and blistered memories left of her. He never imagined that she would be gone so soon, that she would leave him so soon, and he never ever imagined that it would be possible for him to forget her face – but he has.

Was her hair copper, or was it closer to ruby? Were there three freckles on her nose, or only two? He doesn't know, he can't remember. For as many hours as he spent memorizing her face, it is only now that he learns the truth: that memory, no matter how infallible it may seem, is nothing, nothing at all, when confronted with time.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]


	27. Moonlight

**Prompt:** Moonlight

It's late, and Lily is almost asleep when she hears the knock on the front door of the cottage. James is gone, away on a mission for Dumbledore, and she is completely alone. She grabs her wand off of her nightstand and hurries out of the room.

She opens the front door, her wand held ready – at times like this no one could ever be too careful. But when the door opens far enough to reveal the person standing on the other side she relaxes instantly. Sirius.

Her breath catches in her throat the instant she seems him. He is bathed completely in moonlight, giving him such a young and vulnerable appearance. The moon is shining so brightly, his dark hair looks almost silver.

She looks up at him and smiles, and then stands aside so he can enter. When he passes over the threshold, she closes the door and leans back against it. "Hello, Sirius," she says.

He stands there and looks at her for a moment, his expression unreadable. He takes a hesitant step toward her. She knows not to push him now, to let him decide for himself, or else he will start to shut down and pull away from her. So she keeps her mouth shut, and she waits.

Eventually he is standing in front of her, and his face has lost its unreadable expression. Everything emotion passing through him is clear on his face. The guilt, the pain, but overshadowing every other emotion is the longing. Without seeming to consider it any further, he leans down and presses his lips against hers.

"This is wrong," he says against her lips. He says it every time, and they both know it's true – but it's never been enough to stop them.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what ya thought. =]

The last three drabbles should be up in a little while. (I am going to make the due date!) ;)


	28. Blissful

**Prompt:** Blissful

Lily Evan's favorite moments are when she loses complete track of reality. Anything logical or reasonable simply doesn't exist in her world. Because when she looks at the facts, when she tries to look at her life from a realistic point of view, she doesn't like what she sees.

Because it's a cold hard truth that not only stares back at her, it glares. She knows exactly what she wants out of life, exactly who she wants – trouble is, the odds aren't really favoring her.

Life is so much easier when she lets go of reality like it's a balloon, watching it float further and further away – hoping it will never, ever, come back to her. Because in her dreamland, life is _right_ – it's _blissful_, it's _perfect_. In her dreamland she has Sirius, and nothing else could ever stand a chance at mattering as long as she has him.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]

Only two more to go!


	29. Judgmental, Much?

**Prompt:** "Judgmental, much?"

"Studying again, Evans?" Sirius says as he sits down in the chair across from Lily, in the library. He leans back and throws his legs up onto the table, crossing them.

"You, Sirius Black, are such an arse! All you care about is this prank and that prank, and have you ever in your entire life actually picked up a textbook?" She doesn't wait for him to answer, but continues on. "I'm surprised they haven't kicked you out yet, sent you off to some muggle school where they condone failing all of your classes."

Sirius just smiles. He loves it when she goes on these little tirades of hers. The way her cheeks get all flushed, and her eyes twice as bright – she's never more beautiful. "Judgmental, much?" he asks once she has finally calmed down slightly.

She rolls her eyes, and turns her attention back to her essay. "Just because I might care about 'this prank and that prank' doesn't mean I'm failing every class. It doesn't mean I am failing even one class." Lily snorts, but otherwise ignores him. "In fact," he moves his feet off of the table so that he can lean in close to her, "my grades aren't as far behind yours as you might think, Evans."

She finally does look up, only to see that his face is mere inches from hers and that he is giving her the smirk that she has always found to be so annoying, infuriating even. But right now, up close, she can't seem to find it annoying at all. In fact, she can't even seem to stop looking at his lips, so close to her own. If she moves forward only an inch or two…

Realizing exactly where her thoughts are heading, she jerks her head back, nearly causing her chair to topple backwards in her haste to get away from him.

"Sure they are, Black," she says as calmly as she can, quickly shoving her quill and essay inside her bag – she _has_ to get away. After those thoughts running through her head, she can hardly trust herself right now. "Whatever helps you sleep at night." She stands at walks away, leaving a laughing Sirius Black in her wake.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]

One to go!


	30. I Choose You

**A/N:** The very first time I read the list of prompts I knew I wanted to save this one for last. It seemed like the perfect way to end these. So without further ado, here is the final drabble. =D

**Prompt:** "I choose _you_."

She looks up at you, her emerald eyes wide, and utters the words that you had been hoping against all odds she would say – but at the same time, the very same words that you had been praying would never come anywhere close to crossing her mind: "I choose _you_, Sirius."

And it's the happiest moment – and the worst – of your life. Because she wants _you, _she's choosing_ you_ – but the question is, will you let her?

You've been _fightingfightingfighting_ these feelings, but they haven't gone away. Not when you first started feeling this way, back in fourth year, and not now, five years later. You knew it was a hopeless cause to even consider the idea of not loving her – but there was always the fight against it. You've lived for the fight for the last five years. Is it really worth it to give in now, after you've been fighting so hard for so long? But can you really keep it up for another five years – ten, twenty?

Because she's here, and she wants _you_ – and would it really be so bad if you didn't turn her down? James is your best friend, the only family you have, and wouldn't he want more than anything for you to be happy? For Lily to be happy? If the two of you being together was the only way for that to happen, would he be okay with that?

It's a question that can't be answered in just a simple second, not in a day, and possibly not even in a year. It would kill _James_ if you stole his girl, but it would kill _you_ if you didn't. But he would eventually get over it, because you _are_ his family. And not being with her is something you could never survive.

The survival instinct – everyone has it, even you with all your reckless behavior. So without taking a chance to give it a second thought, you cross the distance between you and her, and pull her into your arms. You press your lips against hers – something you have wanted to do for _so_ long. When you pull away it is only to breathe the word "okay" against her lips, and then she is kissing you again.

And maybe it is _wrongwrongwrong_, but you're just so damn tired of fighting.

**A/N:** Leave a review and let me know what you thought. =]

I'm sad this is finally over, it's been fun. Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed! =D


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